Regrouping

After 4 days off and playing tour guide to my brother and his family, I'm ready to get back in the groove. I've actually missed the groove a lot (although I did enjoy the cinnamon roll, Haagen-Dazs and a few other goodies being out of the groove entailed). I especially missed the exercise routine. It used to be a good week when I exercised 3 times a week. Now it's more like 6 and usually 7, including yoga on Saturday, that I'm doing some sort of physical activity.

It came about gradually and I'm not saying I love exercising suddenly, but I do miss it when I haven't done it. My body and mind know the difference.

The past few months with my online workout coach have made a world of difference. I've tried things I never would have done on my own and the variation and combinations have made a world of difference. I can literally see my body changing before my very eyes. BOWC (before online workout coach) I thought I didn't have much control after a certain point, about my weight or what my body looked like, but after 5 solid months of working out regularly, I know that's a lie I told myself. 10.5 pounds, 15 inches, and one or two sizes later and I know the truth. The limits are in my mind. And I'm excited to keep pushing forward to see what new barriers I can push through next.

For example: when I began this journey I couldn't do push ups. Not one single push up for 2 months. But my coach forced me to keep trying and now, after much practice and frustration, I can do 3 sets of 10 push ups. Not too shabby!

I don't mean to brag, but I'm in awe of what I've been able to achieve. At the beginning I absolutely dreaded each workout. But I did it anyway, knowing someone was going to look at the results at the end of the week. Now, I don't dread the workouts but I still sometimes drag my feet getting to the gym. Despite the fact that I see results. Despite the fact that I miss it when I don't exercise. For some reason it's still an uphill challenge. But the habit gets easier every day. Every day I try to find new motivation and push through and see where my body can go next. It's exciting and I'm proud of myself. Even if it does come across as bragging.

New Leaf?

This poor blog needs help. Maybe more focus? Maybe less concern about putting myself out there? Here's a public declaration that I'm planning to step it up (putting it out there could only help right?).

The point of this blog is to document a life that isn't really witnessed by anyone other than the person living it, yet if I don't do any documenting it doesn't do me or anyone else much good.

But I often hesitate to write because the things I want to write about couldn't possibly be of any interest to anyone else. And that's the point. So I'm changing the approach. No topic is too boring, selfish, mundane. Who knows where it will go in the future but for now my goal is just to get in the habit of documenting this little life of mine.

Getting Worse Not Better

I'm not very good at this regular blogging gig. I need to work on that. In any case, my story is that I don't have time to blog because I spend my life right now working out. Yes, I've become a gym rat. The good news: I feel fit, strong and healthy (and I've lost 7 pounds since January 1). The bad news: it seems like all I do is go to the gym. Maybe someday I'll find a balance...but not today, I'm off to the gym to do weights.

Back to the Real World

I dreamed I was in love last night and woke up feeling sad when I realized it wasn't true. Is it a sign that I'm ready to look for love? I have no idea. All I know is that being in love in my dream felt good and I liked it. Of course in my dream there were no "real life" complications, only that warm feeling. I miss the warm feeling...I don't however, miss the complications.

That's all.

Resolutions

It's a new year and I usually make a few resolutions, but this year I'm not feeling it. There's nothing that stands out so much that I want to call it out as special. To be sure, I want to be moving forward, making progress in my life towards something. But it's all pretty much on track right now and I don't want to jinx it. Somehow by pulling out some aspects I may upset the universe and get everything off track. So instead I think I'll just hang out in limbo land, vowing to make each day better than the last, but leaving it vague enough to be open to all opportunities.

Who knew that 2010 would be the year I would become a hiker? Or learn to love to cook? Or teach myself to quilt? Yet all of those things happened...and without a resolution to drive it.

I did have 3 "real" resolutions in 2010 and if I were grading myself, I'd give myself a B overall. The three resolutions were (1) run something more than a 5k, which I did when I ran an 8k in September; (2) keep in better touch with family and friends which I mostly achieved by sending cards and letters and visiting my family TWICE; and (3) flossing daily. This third resolution is a big fail. I just dread/loath/detest flossing and can't seem to make it a daily habit. I go in spurts and then lose the thread (hehehe) completely. Why is that seemingly nothing habit so difficult for me? I have no idea. I'm disciplined in so many ways, but flossing is my one area of rebellion. For now I'm okay with it and I'm certainly not setting myself up for failure by making another resolution for 2011. I know my limits.

2010 in review was a fantastic year. It was a year of great personal growth. I became more myself than I even knew was possible. And for that I am grateful. Looking forward to whatever else the future holds...